The Top 10 list of What Defines a Betch:
You know you're a betch if....
1. You love to talk about yourself and anything that has to do with you. Can you come up with a better topic? Your BFF has a problem? Here's why I don't care and mine are more important. A true betch maximizes her time talking about the greatest topic she knows.
2. You love to talk shit about others. When you're not talking about yourself, your next favorite topic should be pointing out others' flaws and talking shit about them. There’s nothing a true betch loves more than talking shit. Be this talking shit about other girls, guys, their best friends, celebrities, professors, poor people… if you have a flaw we will find it and talk shit about it. While the nice girl in the room may urge you, “Stop! These are real people we’re talking about!” betches know the truth. If you’re not cute, funny, or rich, you’re not a real person.
3. You're on a diet. Doesn't matter how skinny you are, a true betch knows you can never be too rich or too thin. Ever felt a secretly amazing sensation at someone
accusing you of being anorexic? Congrats, you're one step closer to being the ultimate betch.
4. You don't keep up with the news. Every betch knows that the key to having the most power in a relationship is to be the person who cares the least. That's why we pride ourselves on having no idea what's going on in the world when it doesn't have to do with the Kardashians or Justin Bieber. Topics like the 2012 election and
healthcare crisis are meant to be explored by ugly old people, fucking duh. You wouldn't want us to vote anyway.
5. You always win when it comes to relationships. Be this rejecting guys who are too nice or too cheap, to timing the return of a text saying "hey" from a guy down
to the minute, every betch knows how to manipulate the opposite sex so she has total power and control. Just make sure to #8 not have sex with guys until you've mastered this.
6. Your drinking habits are mainly comprised of blacking out. You don't drink for the taste or to relax, you drink so that you don't remember what happened the next day, duh. If you wake up the next morning every morning with a minor panic attack because you don’t know where your phone is, congrats betch, you blacked out.
7. You speak in abbrevs. A betch's time is very important and she rarely has time to do important things like watch her favorite shows or get to yoga on time. That's why we're efficient and only talk in abbreviations. A true betch understands that every time you say "definitely" instead of "def" or "totes" you're wasting precious seconds of your life.
8. You enjoy casually dressing like a slut. Wearing clothes that cover your entire body is for fat people and lesbian gym teachers. Betches have it, now it's time to flaunt it. How we dress and the way we dress is a great tool for getting others to be aware of who we are so they can be jealous of us. Our perfect bodies are just one
more thing about for you to envy.
9. Your favorite foods consist of sushi, salad, and air. Your favorite drinks are bottled water, Diet Coke, iced coffee, vodka sodas, and ex-lax. These are betch staples.
10. Your goal is to marry a Pro. Betches love douchebags, the shady asshole bros and the games they play. But when we grow older, we start to look for a guy who's a more mature version of the bro species, a guy who has “being nice” in his repertoire
of capabilities but isn’t a nice guy. A non-douchey douche. Enter the professional bro, the Pro.
Disclosure: I did not receive any products nor was paid for this post. I was provided info to share. Any expressed opinions are my own and personal thoughts. No other compensation was given.